I need a plumber fast

We are having the Band round for dinner and a jamming session this evening.

The house needs cleaning, , Rocksey is nowhere to be seen.

It is 3pm - guests are arriving at 7.

I have hoovered after the cats, I think I may have hoovered up our British Blue, Princess Nina as the vacumn cleaner looks like its full of grey fluff and has stopped working.

The downstairs cloakroom is grubby, the sink looks like Rocksey has washed his gardening wellies in it.

I spritz the sink with bathroom cleaner and turn the hot tap on. Cleaning the sink takes a few minutes , then I turn the tap off......then I turn the tap off........the head of the tap comes off in my hand, hot water continues to gush out of the tap.

Oh shit!!!. I try to jam the tap head back into the tap - nothing happens. I try to screw the tap head back into the tap - nothing happens.

I panic- its Saturday afternoon-where am I going to get a plumber from? Where is Rocksey when I need him? Then I remember - he has gone to play golf so that I can get on with all the dinner party preparations without him 'being in the way'.

In my panic luckily I manage to recall the stopcock is in the same room and turns off easily. There no damage done I think momentarily as the water stops and the broken tap drips and then stops completely.

Then I realise that with the water off, I cannot take a shower, cannot get the floor in the kitchen cleaned, flush the loo or even fill the kettle to make tea. With the gang arriving in only a few hours and Rocksey only half way to the 18th hole what on earth am I going to do which is not going to cost the small fortune that a plumber call out on a saturday afternoon and get the water back on in time to save the evening?

Two hours later Rocksey appears at the back door, all smiles having won the round of golf.

Its 5pm. The water is still off.

I'm going for a shower - he says - ummm that might be a problem - I say - theres been a slight accident-

Rocksey eyes the broken tap and rolls his eyes. -should I call someone - I say - we will need water - at some point-

Hmmmm - Rocksey disappears into the garage. I hear him rooting around for a while, then talking on his phone.

A few minutes later Suki arrives at our door, brandishing a tool bag, smiles and disapears into the downstairs loo. What???? I look quizzically at Rocksey.

All done -Suki emerges -still looking her artistically dishevelled best- only a slight smudging of lipstick apparent.

What???/ I look quizzically at Suki. Didn't you know, she smiles at me broadly -I was a lady plumber before I met SP - I only get involved now in emergencies -plays havoc with my acrylics! Anyway see you in a couple of hours for dinner!!!and with that she is gone.

Rocksey calls me from half way up the stairs - you need to get the vacumn cleaner out - Princess Nina has just coughed up a fur ball!!

I then remember the hoover is broken - at least it wasn't the cat I hoovered up....I wonder whether Suki can fix that too?